This morning I did something so stupid it really was astounding. I was on my way home from my delicious 6:30am class, floating on the fluffy cloud of community and sweetness and nectar, searching around for the windshield fluid button, I turned my new (to me) car onto my street when suddenly my sweet neighbor’s mailbox crashed into my passenger side, flew off its post and landed in the bushes…WHAT? I pulled over, literally feet from my home and took a deep breath. I ran across the street to talk to my neighbor and then home to break the news.
Wednesdays and Fridays are a little tricky for us. I teach my early class and hurry home so my husband can zip off to work and I can get our 3 year old ready for her day and then head back to the studio for more classes and privates. It’s awesome but tight and usually works out just fine. Today my husband was practically vibrating with his need to get on the road and when he saw the dangling rearview mirror on our weeks old car, didn’t react from his highest self. And guess what, my highest self didn’t represent either. Morning derailed and it wasn’t even 8:30am yet!
It wasn’t so long ago that an incident like this would have become precious fuel for my inferno of self loathing and mutilation. I would have used it as an opportunity to dive deep and headfirst into an ego trip to victimhood, I was stupid, couldn’t do anything right, it was just like me to ruin our car, and I wasn’t even worthy of having a nice car in the first place. As soon as I felt a glimmer of happiness or sweetness I would fuck it up. I could burn up all perspective in a puff of smoke and wisp of ash. I would have continued my righteous spiral by not answering the phone when my sweet, lovely, loving, best friend husband called to apologize in order to wallow and sulk and pout and feel the badness that was my character. But today I did answer the phone. He apologized. I apologized. WE laughed! I took out a mailbox for goodness sakes!!!
My little one and I loaded up and headed out, rear view mirror dangling, hearts open, ready.
I’m not stupid, or unworthy, or even a bad driver for that matter. I’m a human who tries her best most days and sometimes makes mistakes.